“Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.” C.S. Lewis
So, I chose this the title of the blog at random. Number one, I like this quote and number two, I like C.S. Lewis. I find that too often I am so driven by originality that I lose site of the make-up of me. I don't think the essence of originality is consumed with trying and valiant amounts of effort. I realize the emphasis I have put on being original has effected the productivity of my photography and company. In a way, it pinholes me into a set expectation and it is one that I can rarely live up to.
I have been wanting to journal on a blog for a while but have not had much time for anything lately. I have lost touch with myself and I told LB last night that I hardly remember my own name. I guess when your mind gets that clouded it is time to take a step back. I had a breakdown after/during church Sunday. Stress can do crazy things to the mind and body. I find myself, a year after the world race, spiraling backwards. I have lost site of what it means to be given everything by the Lord in order to live out my call and election. I have lost site of my purpose and what it means to love and be loved. And most important I have dismissed the Lord's grace in my life and therefore extend it to no one. It is unbearable the effect that walking out from under the authority of the Lord can have on oneself. more to follow...
An excerpt from Lara Casey's blog and it sparked my heart to write today
#9. Oddly, with everything going on, work doesn’t stress me much. [EDITED TO ADD: OK, today I am a little stressed. Not gonna lie. V3 is making me nervous. It’s like first day of school butterflies!] I’ve been dealing with more personal stuff lately that has been hitting me in waves. Grieving one thing opens up all sorts of others when you let it. It’s healthy but it is so so hard. I want to lash out and be angry. I want to tell people why I’m hurt and how I’ve been wronged. I want to blame others for my struggle. But, self-control through prayer has brought me clarity. I’ve faced a lot of my own shadows and recognize that whatever frustrates me in another, is also part of me. I’m learning forgiveness. When we truly forgive, we will that person’s good. I get through by remembering how far I’ve already come. I wrote this a year ago. My, how life has changed since then. I want to do what is right and live with a full open honest heart, so I commit to facing fear, letting myself feel it and then giving it up to the One who can handle it. I know I certainly can’t on my own. When I try to, those waves feel like tsunamis.
yours truly- b
